Millennial Dating Angst

I am tired of dating. Not for a lack of dates, but because I am simply tired of looking for dates. However, since I just turned 28 and am not getting younger I can’t just stop dating if I want to find my future wife.

Hopefully I don’t sound too depressing, I’m just trying to be real. I’ve learned a lot about myself as a person and how to be respectful to women from every dating experience I’ve had but boy howdy am I jaded by the dating scene.

I have lived in LA for two years and seriously dated two women, and have been on dates with many, many more since I moved here. I’ve been on dating apps off and on. Swiping; looking at group photos trying to figure out which person is the one with the profile; perusing profiles of people who may not even be real (in existence or mindset); sending the first message hundreds of times; being asked to add random women on Skype so I can give them money (get out of here with that bullshit); uninstalling dating apps after a good date; reinstalling them when good dates don’t pan out or when relationships end; et cetera. It’s gotten old.

You’re probably wondering why I don’t just go out in public and meet someone. Well, I’ve been shy my whole life and am an introvert until I am comfortable to open up to someone. I also have a tendency to trip on my verbiage when I’m nervous, and talking to girls that I haven’t met can turn my sentences into word salad.

When I moved to LA I didn’t know a single person my age within an hour’s distance, so going out with friends wasn’t an option initially, and drinking alone at a bar and trying to find a date is not my idea of having a good time. Hence my reliance on online dating. Compared to dating in Portland I will say at least there are a lot more women in Los Angeles, because when I lived in Oregon using dating apps only led to a handful of dates in the same period of time as I have lived in LA.

In terms of starting a conversation, the risk for online dating is fairly low. If a woman does not respond, it doesn’t phase me and it is easy to move on. I do not understand why so many guys have to be assholes when rejected online, I really don’t.

Nobody owes you a response, and women get hundreds and hundreds of messages a day on these apps, so give them a break. If she didn’t respond before, you are not going to get her to reply by being a dick instead, and you’re only showing her she should steer clear of your potential bullshit down the road. If a woman does not respond to your first message chill out and give her time, and if she never responds to more: get the message. If she does respond, don’t be a dick.

There is a pretty funny double-standard in online dating regarding the first message. Often times if you read a profile a woman will say “If you only say Hey, Hi, or something unoriginal I won’t message back” yet in the vast majority of times I have been messaged first, it was with a simple “Hi” and I didn’t care at all that it wasn’t a deep introductory message. I find this kind of hilarious, but this is anecdotal.

After you talk for a while you might have a date, but a promising first date and a good time with someone means nothing if there isn’t chemistry. Even if there is chemistry, dates that seem to go great may not lead to a second date or a serious relationship. Such is life. Don’t be a dick if she says no to a second date and move on.

Good things come to those who wait, and I get that because rushing into relationships usually doesn’t work out. The reality is that when you rush into a relationship you are both looking for the same thing at the time you found each other: most likely companionship and an escape from single life. You may get what you need at the time. You won’t find out that you are not compatible for weeks or months later though. If you don’t try at all you’ll never know what could happen. You won’t learn anything about yourself or what you are looking for if you don’t date.

Overall, I don’t believe in the concept of one true love or being meant for someone. Nobody is meant for anyone. Maybe at the place you are at in your life at the time you met your soulmate they were the perfect person for you, but if you had moved across the world before you met your true love you are with now (if you are with someone), you would find a different soulmate in that place eventually. If I still lived in Oregon maybe I would be with someone, maybe I wouldn’t. Love is real, but the concept of one true love for a person is an illusion.

That’s enough millennial dating angst for one day. As with anything posted online, a future date of mine could see this angst as a dealbreaker, but frankly I don’t really give a damn. I would rather be real with my thoughts and share them. End rant.

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